It's been a while...

WOW, It's been a while since I have put my thoughts and feelings on the internet... Strange. Usually it's the first place I turn to when i feel like spilling my heart out and talking about things that I care about but lately I have been carrying around a black book with me and I have been thinking and writing and drawing and loving life there. I guess it feels like a safer place. I dunno, it's not like anyone really reads this anyway so I don't really fell embarrassed about the things I put on here or the silly little musings my brain picks away at. So I am back here. I might not write very deeply about the journey I am on right now to find my passion or the search for the direction I am relying on God for right now in my life. But it's on my hear to I figured mentioning is still important.

What I will write about it far more exciting. Well actually not really to anyone other than me but if you are reading this then you must think I am at least a little bit interesting. I have been really thinking about lately is "Am I doing what I was created to do?". The answer to that is right now in my life, no. Not even close I don't think. I feel like i was created to do something more creative, more meaningful, more adventurous, more everything. I don't think I was created to work in an office, or push to sell things, or just do labour to make a paycheck.

I feel I was created to see beauty and show other people the kind of beauty I see and to create things and to dream and to explore. So where do I go from here? I have ideas, and I see short term paths I can take but I don't feel like I have come to that AH HA moment where I see the start of a new path opening up. But then I say to myself "Wait, I just said I want to explore." Exploring by definition is to "travel to unknown regions; investigate, examine, research". So I spose if thats what I was created to do then I need to do what all good explorers do. I need to pick a direction where I think I might find something new and unknown. Plan my route and get myself ready to hack through the bush and create my own path. A new path to new things that I can discover, investigate, and find beauty in.

As with any story though, before I run off into the deep of the unknown I need to decide which way I am going to go. Not because I have any intention of coming back to where I am now, but so that I can make sure the direction I go is the right one, for the right reasons. Thats where I am stuck right now. Choosing. I feel like I have so few options, but at the same time maybe I have too many! I feel like I am sitting in the middle of a field looking at a compass as the needle spins wildly around never stopping to hint at any direction in particular but always coming so close to stopping that I start running that direction only to realize after a few steps that the direction I am going is not where I need to go. I need wisdom to figure out the first few steps. I don't want to walk blind anymore! God save me!

So yeah... Thats where my hearts at. I like this song a lot, it gives me lots of hope that things are going to be good in the end and if they aren't good then it's not the end! :) I have listened to this about 1000 times in the past month. Check it out.

Chris Quilala - Your Love Never Fails

Nothing can separate

Even if I ran away

Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes, but

You have new mercy for me everyday

Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages

Your love never changes

There may be pain in the night

But joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage

I don’t have to be afraid

Because I know that you love me

And your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water’s deep, but

I’m not alone here in these open seas

Cause your love never fails

The chasm was far too wide

I never thought I’d reach the other side

But your love never fails

You make all things, work together for my good!

Number One Gun!

Well i don't know about you, but i have already got the new Number One Gun CD and it is awesome! I recommend it to anyone that has ears and likes music. It's that good! GET IT! So far my favorite song is called Forest. I'll post the lyrics here so you can scope them out and heres a link to the youtube video!

FOREST - NUMBER ONE GUN

As you take off your bandage

Ask yourself if you're alright now

Take a break from the world

And all the ones you love

Let it out as you yell it

Might as well cause you're all alone

Name in vein while you're at it

Feels so good

I've said a lot of things,

I've done it all but not this

I got to figure out why the world is so big

While you hide in the forest

You engage with the animals

Gathering all around you I

It's what you wanted all along

Through the secrets and knowledge

And opinions from all around

When the sky turns to water,

You'll know what to do

I've said a lot of things,

I've done it all, but not this

I got to figure out why the world is so big

I've gone way, way out

Way out of bounds

I'll do anything, tell me how

I'll tell you to get by my side

I'll tell you to get by my side

I'll tell you to get by my side

I'll tell you to get by(Repeat)

I've said a lot of things,

I've done it all but not this

I got to figure out why the world is so big

I've said a lot of things,

I've done it all but not this

I got to figure out why the world is so big

I've gone way, way out

Way out of bounds

I'll do anything tell me how

A FINE FRENZY

WHAT I WOULDN'T DO

If we were children I would bake you a mud pie

Warm and brown beneath the sun

Never learned to climb a tree but I would try

Just to show you what I'd done

Oh what I wouldn't do

If I had you, babe, I had you

Oh what I wouldn't do

If I had you, babe

If I were old, my dearest, you would be older

But I would crawl upon your lap

Wrap a blanket 'round our frail little shoulders

And I'd die happily like that

Oh what I wouldn't do

If I had you, babe, I had you

Oh what I wouldn't do

If I had you, babe, if I had you

So lace your hands 'round the small of my back and I will kiss you like a king

I will be your bride, I'll keep you warm at night

I will sing, I will sing

It was now and we were both in the same place

Didn't know how to say the words

With my heart ticking like a bomb in a birdcage

I left before someone got hurt

Oh what I wouldn't do

If I had you, babe, I had you

Oh what I wouldn't do

If I had you, babe, if I had you

How He Loves Us!

He is jealous for me,

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden,

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,

And I realise just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,

Oh how He loves us,

How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,

Oh! how He loves us,

Oh! how He loves us,

Oh! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,

If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.

And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,

When I think about, the way…

Redeemed

>It turns out that God is faithful to turn the worst things that happen in our lives into good if we dare to trust Him. He has an amazing capacity to turn human pain and weakness into strength, ugliness into beauty and our failures into foundations to build on. The Bible calls this redemption.

Redemption is about our Creator processing the wounds of our lives, the scars on our faces, the evils we have endured and turning them into an even grander story of grace. That means God takes what should have destroyed us and does more than fix it. He redeems it. Redemption does such a number on the bad things that happen to us that it is tempting to look back years later and think we are better off for having gone through the loss. I’m not suggesting that God ever wants pain or loss for us, but simply that He is so good, even evil things can’t stay evil when we lay them before Him. Evil gets untwisted back into good as our lives come under God’s control.